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If you know of anything that the Bloggy Boyz should know, please tells us:
ubahamian@hotmail.com
The blog will not be a daily like it has in the past, but we will work diligently to tell you things that you should know in our quest for a better Bahamas.
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| 09/05/08 |
So guess what cabinet minister's son is going to tote cut ass tonight? After Minister of Education Methyl Bethel stood up and refuted Obie Wan's claim that there was sex in the Bahamian classroom on youtube.com, what happens? His 17 year old son gets caught on school camera trying to have sex with a 13 year old -- in a Christian school. His defense is that he took seriously the Biblical directive: "Go ye and multiply on the face of the earth". It's the only multiply that he knows, because the lad is a dead dullard at math.
Not only is Bethel Junior going to tote cut ass, he will also have to have an operation to remove Hubigetty's boot from his colon as well. It's obvious that the one-eyed trouser snake in the younger Bethel's pants couldn't see the camera. You know that Bahamian education is deficient when the kids haven't learned that the security camera is watching.
And speaking of that well known metrosexual, Obie is trying to pick up more votes for deputy leader of the PLP. It's so nice to see a PLP MP trying to pick something up other than a man.
Here in Nassau, the weather is warm and cloudy -- just like a Crisco Butt urine test. We noticed that Fweddie, another aspirant to be a queen on the PLP throne hasn't commented one way or the other on Crisco Butt's decision to stay on. As for Mad Brad Roberts, he used the PLP throne at Gambier House. The place no longer has termites.
It has been reported that Frank Smith has been negotiating for Crisco Butt to go away. When he heard this, Mrs. Crisco Butt said, "I'd love to know how that works." They still have separate bedrooms.
This is the long weekend in the Bahamas -- and you get a two for one special. Sunday is Mother's Day. This day is not as confusing for the children as Father's Day in the Bahamas. However for many Bahamian kids, it should be GrandMother's day, as many children are raised by their grandmothers while the mothers are out charging $5 for a BJ (no relation to Nottage) on Paradise Island. If you still haven't gotten your mother a gift, you might consider a gallon of gas. It's a little pricey, but hey, you only have one mom.
Then Monday is a pubic holiday called Whit Monday. It is also known as Pentecost Monday or the Monday of the Holy Spirit. It is a moveable feast because from the time it started, the date was determined by the date of Easter. And when one dates Easter, she has to wait for the viagra to kick in.
News is that Rev CB Moss, the denied PLP candidate for Bain and Grants Town, and the failed Independent has come up with a new idea. They decided to tackle the high cost of food head on. They planted a garden in the church yard. What a great idea. If there are any bodies buried there, they will provide plenty of fertiliser -- complemented as well by the bull coming out of the pulpit. In case that wasn't enough, the Rev CB was seen taking leeks in the garden.
So, a slow news day, other than Methyl Junior taking Dick out. Have a happy and safe long weekend and remember: Some people drink deeply from the fountain of knowledge, while some others only gargle.
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| 08/05/08 |
Fighting Crime in the Bahamas
 Our politicians and sperm have something in common. They have both got about one chance in ten million of ever becoming a human being! And it shows throughout our society. And it shows in the crime statistics.
The Bahamas is in a bad way in regards to crime. We have the fourth highest murder rate per capita in the world. There are many reasons for this, but we believe that we are paying the price for the sins of the father. For 25 years, the Bahamas was a corrupt country for sale, and little has changed.
We have corrupted all public institutions. Lying and corruption are endemic in public life. And it all started with our first Prime Minister Lynden Oscar Swindling. He laid the foundations for what we have now. And it is too late. We have lost about two generations. And it is not the women that we have lost, but it is the young men. They are illiterate, marginalised, poorly socialised and ignorant of the ways and means of normal life.
Churches think that they have a role to play. But they are in fact, part of the problem and not the solution. We have had an extremely randy Frazier sexually interfering with young women. we have preachers caught in gay picture scandals. We have the secretly gay Smelly Ellis at Mount-him Tabor Tabersnatchel and Pizza Parlour -- the one with the private jet. We have the Arch-Homophobe Drexie Gomer. Under the guise of piety, the churches are there to fleece their flock, like the shepherd does. They offer nothing but moths to the moral fabric of Bahamian society. So what is left to fight crime?
The minister of fighting crime is Tommy Tea Time. He is a friggin airhead who just doesn't get it. Let's face it, if he were an intellectual giant, he wouldn't be lawyering for Sun and Arawak and other incarnations of Frankie the Snake's corruption.
The police are corrupt as hell in the Bahamas and quite happy to laugh at the Miranda statements and then anally shag each other. KB the singer had it right when he said that the police were stopping cars, letting the women go and frisking the men. Why do you think that the prominent murders of two gay men are not solved, but everyone secretly knows who did it in the police and gay communities?
A policeman who retired lately had to give back gifts including a Rolex watch, an SUV and other sundry items of payola. Calling the police will not get you help. We are reminded of the police who went down a deserted road in South Beach, and found a guy tied to a palm tree. When the popo asked him what happened, he said that he was forced out his car at gunpoint and tied to the tree. "Well," said the policeman, as he pulled the man's Nikes off and took his wallet, "This sure isn't your lucky day!" Then he pulled the man's pants down, and the day got even worse for the hapless guy tied to the tree.
Is there something that can be done to reduce crime? The answer is yes, and the city of Baltimore is doing it. Baltimore at one time, had a crime rate equalling Nassau. In the first year, they dropped their murder rate by over a quarter -- 28% to be exact. How did they do it? By taking the following steps:
The computer is mightier than the gun. It enables smarter policing. By measuring and using statistics, they were able to target crime. For example, they fed all of the police reports into a computer, and then where ever the most activity was, they deployed officers from the quieter precincts to these. They had up to the minute accurate maps of where crimes were being committed and they would flood the area.
They instituted search and seizure for known criminals. If you had a criminal background, you received a pat down for weapons or drugs. If you are loitering on a street corner, you received an automatic pat down for drugs and weapons. Loiterers, often young teens, were dispersed from gathering. Identification was taken, and the parents got a phone call. Sol Kerzner will soon insist on this, as Friday night at Marina Village, one has to run the gauntlet of loitering teens.
Another way that computer data is used to fight crime in Balitmore, is that a registry of gun offenders is maintained. Persons convicted of weapons offences must register their whereabouts with the police once a week or face a year's imprisonment. When a police officer responds to a call in any area, he also gets a report of known weapons offenders in the neighbourhood. This save officers lives, and is a valuable police tool.
Another tactic that the Baltimore police have adopted, is making most officers patrol on foot. That way, they get to know the people in the neighbourhood. As a matter of fact, in that city, gangs instituted a cash hotline for people to phone in and report names of people who snitched to the police. The police fought this off with getting to know the people on the streets by foot patrols.
The next step was to appoint neighbourhood mediators -- folks who had grown up and lived in neighbourhoods all of their lives were paid a salary by police. They would put up a special sign on their house, and they would mediate disputes between say landowners and tenants, shopkeepers and shoplifters, etc. This personalised the neighbourhood such that property crimes were no longer against anonymous people.
These steps enabled them to fight the drug trade at the street level. Not only did they get to know the neighbourhood, but the city helped to shrink the ghetto as well. Vacant run-down homes were bulldozed. Lots were planted with flowers and trees. The city was greened. Folks took back the neighbourhoods from the thugs.
If there was the political will to adopt these measures, crime could be reduced in the Bahamas. The trouble with the current crime fighting methods is best illustrated by the following. Conventional institutions, when talking to children about the dangers of drugs, draw a large circle O and a small circle o. They tell the kids that Ois their brain before drugs and o is their brain after drugs.
If it were up to us, we the Bloggy Boyz would go into schools and do it the other way around. We would draw a o followed by O. We would explain that the first circle is your anus before prison.
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| 08/05/08 |
A reader writes:
Hubert addressed the Abaco Chamber of Commerce on Friday in Abaco. He said that he is protecting the environment and he understands how importing mangroves are to our eco-system.
- He approved the bulldozing of mangroves at Lanyard Cay to build a marina.
- He approved the bulldozing of mangroves at Snake Cay to build a marina.
- He approved the bulldozing of mangroves at South Abaco to Build a marina and golf course.
If lying to the Bahamian People was a felony, he would be on death row (so would every other politican for that matter).
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| 06/05/08 |
The Bahamian economy has been as predictable as robot sex. Every quarter tourism declines a bit, but not enough to panic the people, or to really hurt. It just nibbles away at the edges of our standard of living. Well, robot sex has changed for the better. Someone greased the wheels. Visitor arrivals jumped by 3.8% last quarter with cruise passenger arrivals rising by 6.7% and air passenger arrivals rising by 2.9%.
Of course we are happy about this, because the we want to see the economy do well -- even if it is in tourism. We have long preached that tourism is not the answer. The trouble with tourism rising is that the government will not do anything to diversify the economy if tourism rebounds. They will think that they are on the right road because it is a well-beaten path.
Many people will see this as a sign that their worries were unfounded. This cannot be the case. It is like a drunk thinking that a week in rehab is enough to get you sober. We must see the opportunity of rising tourism as breathing space to work hard to get all of our eggs out of the one basket.
We seem to be in okay shape economics-wise. Domestic debt is still incredibly high. Liquid excess reserves have jumped from $9 million in December of last year to over $118 million, largely do to tourist inflows. So it all seems positive, but Bahamians tend to forget their history. They also tend to forget their math and science as well, but that is a different story.
Put bluntly, if the Bahamian economy were a fish, we would throw it back in the ocean. It is not good for anything except making mince fish. And we all know that the only reason that mince fish exists in the world, is to make crappy fish flesh palatable. It is like adding chocolate milk crystals to powdered milk to make it palatable. However we believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is not the oncoming train.
More and more, Bahamians with money to invest are trying different avenues other than real estate or tourist development. We have heard of a smart house company in the Bahamas. There are clean energy plays. There is another attempt at aquaculture. We know of several technology plays that are happening. This is a grassroots movement not even fed and nurtured by the government of the day. This is Bahamians taking matters in their own hands and making things happen. And it is about damn time.
Things are happening. The robot sex is coming to an end. Quite frankly we are tired of it, and if we wanted sex with something cold and heavy, we would have it with our wives. It is the dawn of a new age, and not because tourism numbers are up. But we do want to say one thing -- Hubigetty -- close the damn web shops. We bet that you don't have the balls to do it.
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| 04/05/08 |
How to run a telephone company or a union
The president of the BCPOU (sounds like dinosaur shit -- BC Poo), is a bubble brain by the name of Robert Farquharson. The BCPO union represents the BTC workers. Now we have been to the BCPOU headquarters on Farrington Road, and they have an impressive auditorium for the Bahamas, in spite of the fact that cockroaches run around in it. But why they are under our lens, is that they are making noise saying that they should be included in the BTC privatisation talks and they are being excluded.
We don't like unions. They are a drag on worker productivity. Trade unionism had its place at the turn of the last century. Back then trade unionism was as alluring, sexy and necessary as a twenty-year old woman. Now that twenty year old woman is eighty, but still thinks that she is twenty, and the only strong feelings that are engendered, are those of vomit. Trade unions and their executive have become a havens for living off the backs of people who do work by people who are two lazy to. It is almost as lucrative as politics and religion in this archipelago.
So Bluewater is the company that currently wants to buy Batelco. You will remember that Bluewater is a pseudo Bahamian company (just the pimps are Bahamians, and the worst kind of pimping hoes -- PLP criminals who want to ride the backs of Bahamians on the gravy train of the telephone company -- which it the only piece of shit in the Bahamas that generates huge profits for poor service).
Bluewater is going around saying that they will own the cow imminently. They only thing they will own is the manure. These friends of Crisco Butt do not have the money, but want to buy the company on time. That's like saying to a bank, we wanna buy you, and we will give you a dollar now, and pay you off as soon as you give us the combination to the vault. Sure they put up a nominal Bahamian as president (a pisse artist who was some sort of engineer at BTC, and who's favourite engineering activity is blowing the horn at railway crossings), however even that is a sham. They intend to turn over the keys to a carpetbagger, double-dealing nasal-drawling American named Rick Kimsey who used to be employed, we believe at Cable and Wireless. This areshole who would be king of BTC just bid on making ring tones for BTC, so in fact they are just another Micky Mouse administration.
The real story on Bluewater, is the supposedly patriotic Bahamians fronting for the carpetbaggers are rubbing their hands in anticipation of getting their hands on some of the $300 million that goes through BTC. This is of course, the PLP operating model. And Brave Davis whose mouth looks like female genitalia, is going around saying that he will sue the government if Bluewater doesn't get the phone company.
And into the mix wanders Robert Farquharson, the dinosaur shit president. He is a big shot now. He used to be a bartender, and then a BTC technician, and now he thinks that he can lift his leg high enough and demand to be let into the business of the government. He can't even get a website that works. And when you go to the BCPOU website, you will find that it is "Powered by" Gewerkschaft Kommunikation. WTF -- has Adolf Hitler come back? We followed the link and came to:
Gewerkschaft Kommunikation
Zentralsekretariat
Looslistr. 15, Postfach 370
3027 Bern
It turns out that Gewerkschaft is not the shaft that they give to their members, but rather German for Communications union. The dinosaur shitters in the Bahamas, the BCPOU paid their membership dues to this global money-taker to boost their image. They also belong to another international Union body called UNI or UFCW, also based in Switzerland, but whose president is a meatcutter from the US. Maybe the Bahamas should elect a meat cutter as our leader.
The BCPOU union has a poll on its website. The question is "Does our Union offer a quick response?". Six people voted yes. The poll was put up last September. Quicker than liquor, by George.
So Farkie, the BCPOU prez knows that nobody will support him to try and get into the privatisation talks, so he calls on John Pinder who is president of the overall trade union body in the Bahamas -- the C.U.N.T. -- stands for Congress of National Trade Unions or something like that. Pinder, if you recall, when he gets into the water at the beach, is a hazard to shipping, and he is so fat (make your own fat cat joke here), anyway, he is so fat that if his Cadillac Escalade-size of fat rolls were rendered down, the global oil crisis would be immediately alleviated. So far Pinder has not yet responded.
Here is the real laugh. Farkie the dinosaur farter had this to say: "We have followed privatizations around the world and the government of the Bahamas in making a decision has changed its policy and is not consistent with good industrial practices," he charged. "It could be a violation of the ILO (International Labour Organization) Convention 144 regarding social dialogue."
So like good altar boys, the Bloggy Boyz went and checked out Convention 144 of the ILO. We were unprepared for what we found. Convention 144 is a 1976 resolution concerning Tripartite Consultations to Promote the Implementation of International Labour Standards.
What this means is that it is a resolution for the ILO and other bodies to go into a country that doesn't have Labour Standards, and implement them. There is no violation in the Bahamas, because it is just a resolution. It has nothing to do with privatisation, or being included in talks. Are these guys that stupid? The answer is yes. The dinosaur shitters picked out a phrase at random -- social dialogue, and thought that because there is dialogue involved in kicking Bluewater out, that they wanted to be part of the dialogue. The social dialogue that the ILO is talking about, is establishing trade unions.
Man if I were a BCPOU member, I would either quit or I would demand a new president. And I would want a total recounting of where my union dues went. From the looks of it, unions dues are being spent on lobotomies. But this is just par for the course in this island paradise, where the only words from the wise, come from the wise asses. So mote it be.
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